Thoughts from a Sensitive #1

We need to hear our tribe.

I receive a great deal of notes from readers saying that my book or a blog post I wrote helped them feel more self-acceptance and less alone. That got me thinking. We just need to hear our tribe. When we gather and share, we do feel less alone. We feel belonging. And then realize we have many of the same thoughts and feelings. We aren’t folks with two heads. So, here’s my first share from one of my re-tooled classes, Care of the Sensitive Workshop (starts September 26th). Have you felt this way? (feel free to share)


Categories: being sensitive, care of sensitive teleclass, empath, empath mentoring, Empath skills, empaths | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

Empath Skills Class



Here’s the LINK.

Categories: being sensitive, empath, empath class, Empath skills, empaths, psychic tools, sensitivity | Leave a comment

How to overload a sensitive


Sensitive folks overload easily. The cause is not because we are delicate or weak. We are just wired to pick up all the layers of information at once. This means we pick up the subtle nuances most miss, like the sound of the doves singing outside the window, or that a friend is cranky even though she hasn’t said or showed any indication. On the flip side of this is we can take in all that information and fry our brains and emotions when it gets way too much (picture the heads exploding like in that old horror movie, Scanners. Yup, not a pretty picture and of course, not literal.) You can be pretty sure a sensitive has gone into overload when they show signs of shutdown which include a blank look, anxiety/nervousness, spaced-out feeling, or signs of insecurity. Symptoms look different in each sensitive. And what every sensitive wants is to be understood and known. So non-sensitives, LEARN THESE. And sensitives, share this list with your non-sensitives.

The Top 10 Ways to Overload a Sensitive

(and to be loving and kind to your sensitive AVOID these):

1. Push.

This warning label (“do not push”) should come with every sensitive born into this world. Pushing does not motivate a sensitive. It forces the automatic shut down valve to go off. Pushing only speeds up the “take in-sort through-digest” process making overwhelm happen faster because there’s no time to digest. It also just really pisses us off.

2. Load a ton of responsibility on our shoulders, be sure to not acknowledge or appreciate what we are already doing, and then add more. 

That one speaks for itself, but I must say, as a tribe, sensitive folk are usually over-responsible and will take on a great deal as it is.

3. Increase sensory input.

Add very loud music we can’t control, or let in a swarm of flies in the room that can’t be caught. I am a tolerant person but when my neighbor plays country music on full throttle until 2 a.m., I’m going to get a little out of balance.

4. Expect a day of constant stimulation out of us.

Start the day early by taking us out for the day shopping, then stop at a crowded restaurant, go sight-seeing, and then dancing all night with a ton of noise and people. Just see what happens. Observe. Be sure to not include any breaks or alone time.

5. Add any illness to the day and then introduce either 1/, 2/, or 3/. Heck, even 4/.

Add llness or even a woman’s “time of the month,” and we are down for the count. Then all the sensory input and noise just swoops right in because our thin walls are way down. It’s a little like having the radio on several channels at once.

6. Add a crowd. 

I still write about the Willie Nelson concert I went to that had a line wrapped around the casino to get into, then I was surrounded by a huge stadium-filled crowd screaming. Thank goodness it was outside because a crowd packed into a room with no walls? Oh fun.

7. Increase time pressure.

This one goes along with the “pushing” category. Sensitive folk like to flow in the zone moving to their own rhythms. We are great with deadlines but we need to control how we get there. I watch Project Runway and each episode when the designers get closer to presenting their creations, we can feel their tension through the screen. Let us control our rhythm.

8. Layer on the emotional sad stories. 

We can sometimes overload from reading the Facebook feed of sad stories everyone is feeling. We feel compassion when our friends are going through rough times. Our hearts can jump out of our chests and MERGE. Our empathy is our superpower and it can be unbalanced at times when it’s multiplied.

9. Give us too much change at once. 

We like our change in smaller steps; a little like slowly entering the pool rather then diving right in. We get in there, it just takes a little longer.

10. Add too many little technical things that don’t work.

I am sure this one matches everyone not just sensitive folk. Have a day where the bank screws up your account, or your computer doesn’t respond, or there’s a glitch in Photoshop and you lost all your data, and we will get rather testy. THEN add any two from the above list and we frazzle up quite good.

So, be kind to a sensitive today. Understand what creates overload and what makes life work swimmingly well for your sensitive friend. And for goodness sake, never ever say, “You need to toughen up instead!” That’s like being short and being told to be tall! Say that and you will see a different kind of overload.

Fairy blessings,


Categories: being sensitive, empath, Empath skills, empaths, sensitivity | Tags: , ,

A Sensitive Goes to the Movies: Two Scary Ones



Have you recently gone to the movies (or rented on Netflix) and thought, “Dear Lord, why didn’t you warn me!” Yes, me too. So I thought, why not start a bi-monthly report here at The Designing Fairy, to warn my fellow sensitives and save them a ton of therapy.

This week’s selections: Bates Motel and The Awakening

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photo credit: Netflix
  • Netflix description: “Everyone knows what happened in Psycho, but this chilling series takes viewers inside Norman Bates‘ world before Marion Crane checked in.”
  • Warnings posted: The show is listed under “scary and dark.” My gut should have alerted me since it’s not a happy bunny kind of subject.
  • My warning: Don’t watch the Pilot. If you are a sensitive, you will need years of therapy to process the senseless violence you just witnessed for the sake of entertainment. *Spoiler alert* there’s a rape scene halfway through that can’t be stomached, and I do understand the writer’s motive including it to show the breakdown of the psychological state of Norman’s mom, but c’mon! The character committing the act was cartoonish, one-sided aggression/craziness and the act portrayed and showed in the movie, just out and out horrible. I can’t tell you if the rest of the Pilot was worse or better as I pretty much stop watching at that point and had to fill my mind up with happy things like dancing bunnies and happy wagging tails. (Several episodes of Adventureland seemed to help)
  • Sensitive consensus: I talked to my friends on FB who all agreed that they also stopped watching after the senseless violence.

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photo credit: Netflix
  • Netflix description: “A haunted boarding school calls on Florence Cathcart, who disproves hoaxes for a living. But the strange place leads Cathcart to question rationality.”
  • Warnings posted: It is listed as a horror movie and categorized as “chilling and suspenseful.”
  • My warning: This was a really interesting plot for a ghost story and very clever. Many, in the reviews I read, compared it to The Others, which haunted you psychologically way after watching it.  The scary element isn’t too bad more like lots of “boo” moments. No visions that will stick in your mind until more toward the climax of the movie is a scene of sexual violence that matched Bates Motel. The character culprit was useless to the plot, the moment contradicted the story as the main character was rather powerful and strong, and viewers did not enjoy watching her helpless, at least I sure didn’t. I did enjoy the movie up until that point, and it was so distasteful it was like hearing someone write on a chalkboard with their nails.

What’s with it, Hollywood? A movie nowadays isn’t complete without violence to women? Rethink your writing. Then we all wonder why politics takes our rights away out from under us. As for you my fellow sensitives, stay away from these two and for scary, stick to old episodes of Goosebumps and Are You Afraid of the Dark?

Until next time, Fairy blessings,


Categories: being sensitive, empath, Empath skills, empaths, empowering women, film reviews | Tags:

If you need a good cry…

I am one that will hold on tight to my emotions in order to stay in strength, but sometimes, I need some releasing of the dam to maintain balance or mine erupts. Because I’m not a crier easily, I need to jump-start the process. Perhaps, you are the same. Here are my top Crying Resources to allow me to have a good cry, release, and be back in balance. Drum roll please.

Top 5 Crying-starting Resources:

  1. Watch the finales of any competition reality show. I just watched Robert win Jim Henson’s Creature Shop Challenge (spoiler alert) and the tears flowed in happiness for the guy. It’s wonderful watching someone’s hard work pay off and dream come true. This is a good cathartic cry that is unchallenging and doesn’t push too many buttons. 
  2. Watch more television. Last night I watched a marathon of Pretty Little Liars and witnessed the usually perfectly-attired and made-up actresses fall apart by wearing mis-matched clothing and minimal makeup while their sanity and lives fell apart. I cried along with them in unison but this cry brought up pass pain to release, and should be monitored to avoid going down roads that are unhelpful and unnecessary to the therapeutic process.
  3. I read an article today in the Facebook Feed about a local puppy that is in the hospital after being thrown from a car window. This was an ugly, torturous cry. I felt so deeply for this baby and anger for those who hurt it, and a deep sadness for the state of humanity. This is a tough cry that should only be tackled on courageous days you can handle it, otherwise, to be avoided. 
  4. Sappy feel-good movies such as Field of Dreams are perfect for feeling better about life in general and experiencing a really healthy cry. Best antidote after reading Facebook feed puppy stories. Look for movies that you know will end happy. We don’t want surprise twist endings here. AVOID movies like the current one in the theaters where everyone is dying. The Titantic is about a sinking ship. You know that one won’t fare well. Use your common sense here.
  5. There are good spontaneous cries when someone gives you a hug when you need it, or says something so perfect that you feel seen and validated. These cries can’t be arranged, but fall under really good release cries. Increase these any time you can.

Well, there’s my recommendations. What’s yours? Or, are you the type of crier who needs no help?

Categories: being sensitive, Empath skills, empaths, spiritual guidance, spiritual lessons | Tags: , ,

Are you on Pinterest? THE visual addiction

Are you on PINTEREST? Come follow me HERE.

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Are empaths affected by the moon?



Today’s word is FUSSY. My clothes feel constricting, lights are too bright, and things can’t be fast enough today.

As empaths and sensitives, we know we are very affected by the energies surrounding us. We know when the air is too cold, or someone’s mood has just hit fiery before he realizes it, or when the overall mood theme for the day on Facebook is FRANTIC. Like little caterpillars we feel out the environment with our exposed feelers.

So if we have a full moon happening, and especially a lunar eclipse, do we feel the effects of that energy?

Years and years ago, there was a lunar eclipse followed by a solar eclipse, and my body went haywire. I was releasing a ton and have all kinds of weird symptoms, but was it the planetary action or what I was experiencing in my life at the time?

As women, our bodies are tuned into the moon through our cycles. And many who are not longer experiencing cycles still feel the effect of the moon. If the moon is more feminine then both male and female can relate when it is speaking, right?

I looked to the experts for my answers. The astrologers talk of this upcoming lunar eclipse and the many changes that will affect us.

Magical Recipes Online talks about the Druid Willow Moon.  That name in itself sounds so imaginative and magical!

My friend Julia talks about the astrological overall themes we are feeling right now during this moon phase.

Several metaphysical astrology sites talk of huge emotional impacts this lunar eclipse will have. Hmmmmmm.

  • According to NBC news, full moons can give us restless sleep. Link is over here.
  • And over at this Australian news site, full moons and eclipses can cause mood swings. Feel like howling at the moon?
  • Wikipedia coins the phrase “lunar effect” and says there is even a “lunar lunacy.” Nice! Now we have an excuse to go a little crazy.

As sensitives and empaths, we can swing past the research and go right to how we feel in this moment. I know when there is a full moon I do have a hard time sleeping, partly because the moon is shining so brightly into my window, and being so sensitive, I can feel it. I like a dark room when I sleep.

Perhaps we are picking up all the beliefs about the moon, and that collective unconscious is affecting what we think, influencing our thoughts. Regardless, I am fussy. I am restless. And I have this overwhelming urge to dance under the moonlight, ditch these restrictive clothes, and howl. Please don’t tell my neighbors. Now I have an excuse for my craziness. I have Lunar Lunacy. ;)

Categories: being sensitive, empath, Empath skills, empaths, sensitivity | Tags: , ,

Understanding Empathy and Letting Go

bun bun

From FIELD OF DREAMS: “Ease his pain.”

Like many of you, I wake up in the morning, fresh from dreaming, bringing back some kind of message or understanding. The lesson downloaded into my brain this morning was about empathy.

What is empathy anyway? Most of us would define it as feeling what another person is feeling, relating, and being able to step into their shoes. You feel the sadness and relate when someone posts on Facebook about saying goodbye the last time to their beloved dog. Your heart hurts for them. You feel when your friend is sick and want to make her better. You watch the devastation on television of those who have lost their homes in a tornado and your gut aches for what they are going through.

There is different levels of empathy–how much it is turned on. When I was in high school, I remember feeling so much pain in middle school that I learned feeling was a not a safe thing. I shut that part of me off. I stayed on the surface. It wasn’t gone; it came out in stomach aches.

There are folks who are very extroverted who only feel their own space and don’t always feel the space of others. They have empathy, it’s in there, they are just more focused inward.

There are folks who read this blog who are Empaths. We feel everything. The empathy button is on so strong it can be overwhelming and debilitating. We feel times a hundred. That’s why sometimes it shuts off and we numb over or we couldn’t function.

There are many closet sensitives out there who appear un-feeling who are really our fellow brethren who felt way too much at some time and were seriously hurt, and so they can’t feel anymore. It isn’t safe to.

Then there are folks out there who have no empathy. They came in for special purposes, some of them, and perhaps, feelings would get in the way of that mission. They don’t feel when you are hurt. They don’t see how their actions affect others. They don’t hurt when others hurt because they don’t know how. The parts of the brain that feels that is broken. They live a different life. Do we have empathy for them? Maybe we can just understand what’s missing and see them differently.

I watch empathy in my dogs. If I am crying, they can feel my sadness, and will rush over and try to comfort me. It goes beyond instinct.

In my life right now, I am being asked to live at a deeper level of empathy, to put my feelings aside, for what is best for another. My little family lost a member the other day. Bun-Bun, my parakeet of almost nine years died suddenly. Before she died she had communicated very strongly that she missed Prosperity who had crossed over in September. She loved us but her body was starting to slow down and her heart ached for her companion. I’m being asked to look beyond my selfishness of wanting her to be here–to hear her beautiful little song-y chit chat throughout my day and having her companionship–and to honor her wishes. In this situation, I need to step into her spirit feet, feel her happiness and joy now of being reunited, and honor what she wanted and what is best for her first. It’s here where my empathy is a gift I can give her.

Categories: being sensitive, empath, Empath skills, empaths | Tags: , , , , , ,

Ask the Empath 1/20


Here at The Designing Fairy, I often receive questions concerning being intuitive that folks are scared or puzzled about. This is the beginning of a series where you can ask questions about your psychic abilities, and I will attempt to help and answer. I’ll be answering from my own experiences, and if I don’t have the information or answers, I’ll do a little research and find out.

The question

“Sarah” shares that she is beginning to pick up what feels like spirits in the room. She’s scared and confused and wants to know what is “wrong” with her.

The answer

Dear Sarah,

Sounds like you are an empath who has abilities in being aware of the energies around you. It’s like your “Spidey” sense. I liken psychic ability to playing the piano. Everyone can push a few random keys and make music. Not everyone becomes a concert pianist. Everyone has intuitive abilities. It’s to what degree and how much, and how turned on it is.

With feeling or noticing spirits, you have some mediumship abilities. You are just seeing what is there, but not noticeable to everyone. You can “tune in” to spirits by striking up some conversation or simply tune in and see what images or information receive. But always do so with boundaries. Just like you would be cautious letting anyone into your home, you would do the same with your personal, psychic space.

The more you talk to people who have similar abilities, and the more control you feel over them, the less fearful you will be.

Hope that helps!

Fairy blessings,


If you have a question, feel free to fill out my Contact Form


Categories: ask the empath, being sensitive, empath, Empath skills, empaths | Tags: ,

Help for the Holidays excerpt

This is a crazy time for a sensitive person. The energy out there alone is a little on the wonky side. So, here’s a little tip from my eBook, Help for the Holidays if you are Sensitive. 

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Need the ebook? Here’s a link.

Categories: being sensitive, empath, empaths

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