I had a light bulb moment this morning.

One of the reasons why I left my church, was for me, there wasn’t enough meat. I had graduated, and needed more answers to my many spiritual questions. I was frustrated and aggravated for months and months by the simple “everything is love” and “just love everyone and see their higher self” philosophies. Yes, these statements are true but it didn’t answer anything for me. It throws a lot of things under the rug. If you are an abusive jerk who is running over my boundaries and I just “see your higher self and love you” that usually translates into more boundary invasion and more abuse, because even if I am putting up boundaries, and being nice and loving, someone like that is going to like the challenge of seeing how he can bash right through those boundaries. This more simple line of thinking is  a surface spirituality that ignores the many layers, including what’s thrown under the rug.

This experience had me thinking about psychic protection and what I’ve been teaching. Putting a white bubble around me for protection is nice and sweet, but as an empath, I can still become amazingly sponge-y and open anyway and take in a ton that isn’t mine. That bubble won’t do crap for me if: I don’t know I’m taking something on and am feeling awful; don’t realize I’m taking something on because someone else’s stuff is triggering mine; or a whole bunch of other reasons.

Basically, I determined that we need to tackle the psychological and intellectual stuff underneath our reactions to be fully protected. That’s why my book has so many instances we need different tools for, because it is isn’t a simple thing of putting up a white bubble. A white bubble forms an intention to create a strong boundary around you. You’re putting a STRONG line in the sand that says, “I don’t want this dark stuff near me.” That’s why it works. Your will is loud and clear. As empaths, our major work is creating those very strong boundaries to protect ourselves. The problem is we came in with very thin or little boundaries so we can read the energies around us. It’s a gift really, to be able to do that when we can control it, and there’s BALANCE, which is then a tightrope to walk. I still have days I even curse my sensitivity and get tired of always having to do this much work to keep that balance, but I think it’s a harder world to walk when you are so unaware of any energies at all.

We also need to clear out the beliefs in the way taught to us that prevent us from creating strong boundaries, which for me would include that I have to be nice and loving to everyone around me, which would make the church’s stance counterproductive to what is best for me.

Perhaps, then, the white bubble is a beginner’s technique and folks learn where they are at. And as we go further along this path, deeper and deeper, we are going to need more advanced learning and tools. There’s no judgement, just different levels to drop down into, but just like in school, if I am ready for sixth grade, I’m not going to stay back in third grade for those around me.

And for now, when I empathically carrying something that isn’t mine, I need to go in and ask why. Was it as simple as I was super-open and tired and then I walked into Walmart to buy milk and just got slimed with negative stuff stuck in the air? Or, did I pick up on sadness and I wasn’t acknowledging the sadness I was already feeling before I stepped into the store so it triggered mine? Or even yet, was I still corded and deeply connected to a sad friend who I just talked to on the phone and a part of my energy wanted to reach out and help her? If I see all the energy around me as information, it is all a story to help me better understand myself. It’s not a mean world that I need protection from because it’s trying to hurt me. In a way, it’s strengthening me and my will, and helping me grow.

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This essay is from my ASC300: Empath Skills class.