And once you wake up in a city the you nothing recognize, and also the traffic lights blink angry, that is not since the city has actually grown cold. The is not because your hands no longer fit his.It is due to the fact that it is who else’s turn to lean out her window in come the cold, cold morning and say,“Baby, look at every those traffic lights, blinking their method into dawn.”

Sarah Kay

By the time the sun starts to sink below the horizon, transforming the sky blood orange the group of girlfriend decides to endeavor towards Strawberry Fields, and pay homage to john Lennon. Follow me the way, they prevent alongside the lake and also sit under on a bench close to Bow Bridge. Directly across the lake, the top Dakota Hotel looms and reflects in the glassy water. A swan glides across the lake, sending out ripples out in every direction. Clara leans she head on Silas's shoulder, “It feels like it’s happening in slow-moving motion,” she states barely over a whisper and she feel Oliver nod his head in agreement. She wipes a tear from she cheek, emotion that if they stayed there, the moment would just proceed in perpetuity.

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“It’s perfect,” Oliver agrees.

“It’s like we're watching a moving painting,” Silas says and also then pauses, “Did I just say that the end loud?”

Just like that, the serenity is disturbed by the group's uproarious laughter and the swan flies conveniently away.

Daylight fading quicker by the minute, the park is virtually shrouded in darkness by the moment they arrive at john Lennon’s memorial. As they approach, Clara feels her chest tightening and also hears yelling comes from increase ahead. She grasps Silas’s hand and draws close to him. That looks ago at her and winks, “Just new York, come on,” that tugs her forward.

The sudden change in lighting proves daunting to adjust to, and Clara’s human body is sporadically fluctuating between temperatures, leaving her v feverish cold sweats. Looking down at she hands, she becomes suddenly aware of the blueish highway of she veins. She feels choose she have the right to sense she blue blood moving through the slim superficial veins and also pumping into her arteries — she deserve to feel the sluggish steady drumming of she heart. “It’s simply the acid,” she speak herself, unsure even if it is or not she actually stated it aloud. One of two people way, no one seems to notice.

When they come at the circular memorial, littered v dying flowers, they notice two males in ragged tie-dye shirt screaming in ~ one another. “We’re no in Neverland anymore,” Clara says, this time discovering that she’s talked out loud due to the fact that she is surprised in ~ the volume that her own throaty voice. She notices just how hopeless these guys look — choose they are stuck in some purgatorial place between an anti-war protest and also a Beatles concert, not fairly able to join the twenty-first century.

“Imagine,” Silas says, “Imagine being like that,” and he shakes his head wearily.

Clara notices how manic his eye look every one of the sudden. Silas is spring on the scene like a crazed animal. She city hall him irradiate a cigarette and also he takes a hefty drag as his hand trembles slightly.

“You look choose you simply saw a ghost,” she nudges him and tries come feign some feeling of playfulness since she to know all as well well the these men remind Silas of miscellaneous he i will not ~ dare identify — something unstable in its familiarity and also fragility. The truth that life or a moment might ever be so fragile seemed to break the balance in Silas.

Suddenly feeling a surging of energy and the instinct to protect herself and her friend from everything was around to happen, Clara shakes Silas and pulls the close come her. She grins at Oliver and the others.

“Let’s run,” she whispers right into Silas’s ear.

“What?” that responds v his eyes still glazed over, staring at the old men.

“Let’s RUN!” Clara yells and grabs their hands.

The group starts sprinting earlier towards the lake, laughing like unmedicated runaways from the asylum. ~ all, this is exactly how they encountered anything and also everything that also made them contempt uncomfortable or scared — castle ran as fast and also as far as they could in opposing direction. It never ever mattered what remained in the various other direction so long as lock felt the rush of waiting on your faces and the people under their feet ~ above the way there.



Despite the reality that central Park closes under at dark, the takes them around two hrs to actually leave. As they walk hesitantly in the direction of to southwest exit, lock all feeling unsure which way they should go and whether or no they have the capability to navigate the looming city roughly them. The structures at Columbus Circle and also the rushing noise of web traffic feel stark and unwelcoming contrasted with the park which has actually held them womb-like for hours. Silas stops everyone in their tracks.

“We need help,” he says suddenly trying come pretend prefer he no still insanity high. “I’m walking to call Neil,” he pulls out his phone and stares at it, plainly unable to review anything ~ above the shining screen.

Fortunately for them, their friend Neil functioned at a hotel close to the park and had just obtained off work. A couple of minutes later, the meets them in ~ the south east exit and smiles as he philosophies the group, “I am below to overview you, my children. We’re going to a party in Carrol Gardens,” he extends his arms in either direction like some an excellent prophet involved save them.

Clara looks under at she phone for the an initial time in hours and realizes it is not even 9 o’clock.

“I feel prefer we’ve been right here for millennia,” she claims giggling and realizing she’s misplaced her shoes. She resembles some type of deranged woodland creature, having actually rolled approximately in the grass and run barefoot v the park all afternoon. The mountain haze starts to subside and — when the boys couldn’t treatment less — she realizes she is in desperate require of a shower head before any other social engagement.

“Can we please go earlier to your’s first?” she pleads with Silas.

“Of course, my wife. Stop go,” Silas says and also the three boys and Clara head towards the subway.


As castle peel into the uptown subway station the petrichor of comes rain lingers in the air and Clara knows without a doubt that it will be putting rain by the moment they arrive downtown. The subway gets held up in the tunnel outside Union Square. If hell is a ar — it is gift high ~ above acid and stuck top top a new York City subway auto on a Friday night in the summertime. The air within the automobile feels wet and smells favor gyros, ireland Spring soap, and burnt bodega coffee. Clara is sitting next to Silas and listening come him make jokes around some guy that is ~ above the various other side the the train car. Clara is acutely mindful that this guy is within earshot. She do the efforts prodding Silas to encourage that to stop talking, however he barrels on. Clara looks at Oliver, that is sitting throughout from her. They barely maintaining their composure, unsure even if it is or no they room most likely to explode right into laughter or screams.

“I feel choose everyone to know we’re top top acid,” she whispers in Silas’s ear. “Please closeup of the door up.”

The moment seems come stretch top top forever in every direction. In spite of her many attempts, Silas proceeds to talk much louder 보다 she feeling is appropriate, and Oliver has committed to his handsome stoicism. Clara notices a guy writing in his newspaper unbothered by the chaos around him, and a little child tracing the subway present on the grimy map, and the old lady that’s reading a spin-broken copy the War and Peace and also wiping sweat from her brow. Clara notices how committed everyone seems to be to disregard the world roughly them, while also being vital part the it. Brand-new York City teaches everyone just how to commit to everything but people. That strikes Clara the this city is both satin and razorblade — willing to soothe and scar is one dropped swoop.

Pulling it s her from her daydream, Clara looks end at Oliver that is still staring blankly ahead. The subway begins careening forward and as the pulls into the station, Oliver looks her dead in the eye and says, “Let’s get the crap outta here.” they both seize Silas and split out of the doors best as they slide open.

They race with the 14th street subway station, gripping every other’s hands. The means Clara’s hand slips for this reason smoothly into Oliver’s hand sends out a sirloin of endorphins v her body setup her nerves ~ above end.

Once they’ve do their method inside Silas’s apartment, Clara pulls out her bag that cocaine and also pulls off she filthy pants in one sweeping motion. The guys look in ~ her and she laughs suddenly mindful of she stark pale legs and also her lacy underwear on display. The moment only big a second, all of them tho coming down from the acid that is surely stunting any sense of sex-related energy. Clara sits down on the couch and also begins her cocaine ritual and also Silas begins rolling a spliff.

She slowly cuts up 6 lines. Rolling her bill and also inhaling deeply, she slides the bill across the mirror. She luxuriates in the hissing noise her nose makes when snorting a line. Instantaneously, she feeling the stimulant rush overcoming the psychedelic high. She feels all of sudden alert and aware of she body again. Mountain had always been a complicated journey for Clara — blissful and complicated — she was constantly relieved when it ended. Cocaine offered as the perfect reset. She leans over and also hurriedly snorts another line, currently desperate come erase all feelings of psychedelics from her system. She leans earlier and closes she eyes. She feeling the coke clearing her mind, leaving her feeling sharper. She tastes the gasoline drip coming down from she sinuses. Clara tosses Silas the bill and jumps up to go shower.

She leaves the boys to your spliff smoking and mindless banter. Stepping into the little bathroom, Clara opens up the window and feel the currently cool, wet waiting pour right into the room. She perches it s her on the ledge and lights a cigarette. Looking down at the street 16 stories below, she feels favor she can see every solitary raindrop landing and fracturing the inky asphalt. She have the right to hear castle splashing right into dirty puddles and then her fist refocuses top top the sound the the toilet — the silence is deafening.

Clara’s ear ring and also the silence starts to sound like its very own kind the music. The murmur and laughter native the various other room seep in from the cracked beneath the door. However somehow the boys feeling a million miles away. She finds solace there, knowing she is alone and additionally only actions away from them; understanding they are near enough to with out and also grab ahold that if the aloneness ever before becomes also overwhelming. She sheds the rest of her clothes and steps into the shower. Standing under the stream of piping hot water feeling every solitary drop fallout’s onto her bare skin. She watches as the dirt falls from her body and also creates a sample in the pooled water near the drain. This is her baptism.

She lathers peppermint-scented soap over her skin and also feels the way it electrifies her pores. “I to be alive. I am here,” she whispers great to repeat herself. She rubs her hands over she body and also notices the means skin touching skin feels. She glides her hand onto her silk-skinned inside thigh and then places her hand on she vagina. She applies gentle pressure and also it sends out a shiver up she spine and then under to she toes. She take away her cigarette from the ashtray ~ above the home window sill and also takes a sluggish drag. The record dampens, pressed in between her prune-like finger. Methodically she turns off the water and also steps out of the claw-footed tub.

Standing in front of the mirror, soaking wet, Clara stares at her body. Her skin looks somehow brand-new — choose the psychedelics, blow, and being clean have actually turned her right into some type of reptile the has burned a class of skin. People have constantly told her no to look at at it s her in the mirror once she’s high on LSD, however she’s constantly found it to it is in spectacular. “I to be this body,” she says and she continues rubbing the soft contours of her hips and also breasts.

“My wife, acquire the fuck out here,” Silas yells together Clara finishes dry herself off.



Clara knows specifically what time is it. Their friendship is tied in addition to a net of rituals and practices, every prescribed come a specific time and also place. Castle love each other through moments of music sung big to every other; share poems they’ve written; shots that cheap tequila complied with by special lines. These may seem favor artificial and also toxic platitudes to some, but Silas and also Clara ritualize whatever in your friendship in bespeak to build a people together.

Wrapping herself up in a kimono, Clara walks back into the living room. As she was standing on one side of the apartment, Silas presses play on the iPod, and also the very first guitar riffs of “Give Me One Reason” by Tracy Chapman rumble out of the speakers. This is their song. This is a ritual they’ve concerned call Tracy Time. Oliver and Neil sit under on the couch, giving them the floor. Clara looks at Silas and he extends his hand, bowing to her. Clara’s eyes well up. She always cries as soon as they run to this song — partly from unpreventable intoxication but mostly because it every feels too visceral for she to be affected by each other in this moments. She reaches out and also places she hand softly into his, “Husband and wife shit,” she says and then that sweeps her right into a wild frenzy of faux-ballroom dance while castle belt the end the text to the song. Give me one reason to stay here, and also I’ll rotate right ago around.

Spinning in circles about his apartment, they song every line and also the rest of the world slides away, ceasing to exist. Castle will perform this same ritual a hundreds times end the food of your friendship — most people assuming that they are simply overemotional and drunk, which would be true yet not the point. Choose so numerous things, the lyrics and also rhythms the this song pass through Silas and also Clara in the same way — this is just how they feeling the people together.

The night blurs into a montage of overpriced Ubers, skyline views from the BQE, and also a kitchen table spanned in cocaine at part girl’s brownstone in Brooklyn. They invest the night lighting cigarettes with the end of the ones they’re currently smoking.

On the walk under Silas’s block, it is almost sunrise and Clara notices just how hauntingly beautiful the humid streets are at this hour. The blood-red fluorescent lamp on the edge bodega reflect in the murky street water. Rats, — fatted indigenous trashcan-Chinese food — scurry v side roadways to prevent the speed of the morning sun that is due to creep over the horizon any kind of minute now. Clara and also Silas protect against the resulting the sun the very same way, except through drugs, 40-oz Olde English, tequila, and Marlboros — constantly avoiding drowning in ~ dawn.

Arriving ago in the safety of Silas’s apartment, they tear the sheets native the bed and gather every the food-stained throw pillows. They develop a fortress indigenous the bedsheets and crawl inside. They place down and also stare up at the white towel hanging loosely over them. Turning their heads in the direction of each other, their noses virtually touch. Your mouths come together for one instant. Clara notes how their tongues — numb from an additional night the cocaine — feel like limp day-old deli meat in her mouth. Castle pull earlier quickly.

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“It’s the acid,” she mumbles, “We’re still coming down. That was stupid.”

“Yeah,” Silas claims nonchalantly as he lights a cigarette and laughs it turn off — cataloging the away with all the other things castle didn’t speak about.